Self-care is Not Selfish
When was the last time you did something for yourself?
Truthfully, bullshit aside, when was the last time you made a conscious effort to do something for your well-being that had nothing to do with work, school, family, a significant other, or children?
In short, when was the last time you practiced self-care and gave yourself permission to relax mentally, physically, and emotionally?
Let's be honest here. Many of us look at self-care as something we brush aside because we have responsibilities. For example, my son's baseball season is beginning; we just began renovating the house; family is visiting, and work is demanding. Something is always present, distracting us and giving us excuses not to put ourselves at the forefront.
We see self-care as selfish and feel guilt for putting it at the forefront of our lives because we assume we are doing something to take away or hurt someone. Self-care is not selfish. I am exhausted, depleted, frustrated, and emotional, and I need a pause. Saying this and recognizing this is not selfish. It acknowledges your self-worth.
"I need to take some time for myself and only myself because I am worth it. I deserve it. If I do not put myself first, then I am not only setting the example that I want for my loved ones on how they should treat themselves, but I am giving myself the necessary resources to be present for those around me."
I can imagine that your lives look like a grind every day, whoever you are and whether you are:
- a student
-self-employed
- a 9-5er
- a stay-at-home mom
- an entrepreneur
- pursuing your dreams and grinding to make them happen
The funny thing is that even though our days look different, we are not that different. We all wake up hitting the ground running, working on our checklists, attending to the responsibilities of life, worrying about everybody else except ourselves, and burning the candle on both ends.
We are multi-tasking, and we have been deemed the gender that is good at multi-tasking because, hey, we are women, and that is what we do. However, it is not what we should always be doing. We do it because we have to. So if we are doing multiple things at once every day, why can't we pause and enjoy the fruits of our labor fully, unapologetically, and with pride?
I believe that deep down, we all are craving our own "me time." I used to think that my vacation time was when Kamran and Donya were with me. I can be truthful and say this. It is not. I love my family with every being of my soul, but when we go on vacation, mama is tired. I am more tired than before we left. I know Kamran does not intend that to happen, but it is what happens. I have my responsibilities, which do not go away because we go out on an adventure together.
There have been occasions I complained to Kamran that I needed a vacation from our vacation. Lol. His response is: "Why don't you go take a day for yourself and shut off your phone and do what you want to do." I laugh most of the time and say that I can't do that. He reminds me that if I do that, I can be more present, refreshed, alert, and more connected to him and Donya because I get a break to breathe. We would argue that it's guilt that keeps me from actually taking time for myself. I admit. I feel guilty.
But why?
If you drive a car cross country, you need to get it serviced. You use your computer all day; you need to charge it. You run for an extended period; you need to recover. Everything that works hard has to pause, reset, regroup, to continue to work hard and be reliable.
Self-care is looking yourself in the eye and saying I deserve to take a pause. I deserve to do something solely for myself to ensure that I am rested in mind, body, and soul so I can continue to be present for those who need me. Nothing will harm someone in your life by choosing to take time for you. On the contrary, it will do the opposite.
Now let's strip this down even further. If you want to go to The Goddess Retreat Palm Springs but are worried that you cannot afford the time to do so, then I ask you to trust your gut. Trust that the knowledge and energy you gain from the experience, the connections, and the time for yourself, will carry you into your day-to-day life.
Unplug.
Take a chance.
Put yourself first.
Invest in your well-being.
You won't regret it.
Love,
Mariam
